Slavery

God has opened a spot in my heart for a ministry I never thought that I would or could be apart of. For countries I never thought I would go to. Its not even a for sure thing that I will be involved with this ministry to stop this any time soon. Only time will tell. But my heart aches for the women and children who are forced into human trafficking. I am amazed how all of this has been going on. "We put man on the moon, we have dolphin friendly tuna, why cant we do the same for kids?"
I have not been put on this earth to be a receptionist of some big shot company. I have been placed here to bless the Lord, through helping the helpless, bringing hope to the hopeless, and bringing the gospel to the world. If only the world knew how much Christ loves them...

13hours

If only life were so simple.

Feeling completely overwhelmed.

13 hours of free time a day.

Wasted.

Being depressed takes to much energy.

Its too narcissistic.

Not really planing on pursuing it.

I have too many dreams and ideas.

And yet, I have none at all.

I can't tell you what I'm talented at.

I can't tell you what country I have a passion for.

I can't tell you how I feel time is ticking.

I fear for the day that I meet God, and he has asked me what I have done.

And what my reply truly will be.

Moving day is coming.

Pressure.

Life.

Pressure.

Its like all the walls are closing in.

I don't want to waste time anymore.

13 hours ready to be accounted for, serving the Lord.

Need

It almost seems slightly therapeutic re-reading my old post. And Thinking about writing a new one.

So this is life as of now:
Our lease on our apt is ending soon.
I quit my job. (HA! and i am elated).
Even though the World cup is over, i cant stop watching soccer.
My husband is adorable.
We are ready to move, and start a new life.
Ready to do more than just exist.
Need to get motivated, need to get inspired.
Need to make my husband some tea.
:)

Life

I miss life.
I miss feeling so free-to do anything.
when did life get so complicated?
Im crushed.
I haven't updated this in over 2 years.
That must have been when my inspiration of lifes beauty vanished.
The Lord has really been opening my eyes to things lately.
I have to get out of Dallas, but where can i drag my husband with me?
My heart has been heavy for certain parts of the country lately.
I want to make mission work my full time career.
I want to start a non profit.
I want to be apart of something so much bigger than myself.
I want to be able to feed the hungry, clothe and shelter the homeless.
I want to be able to make a difference in a community.
I do not want to waste my life anymore.
I have said "i"7 times! But when has my life been about me!?!
That's the problem. This world has made life so convenient for us, that we get pissed off when things don't go our way.
I want to simplify my life, and go out into the world serving, and loving others like Jesus did.
Being a receptionist I can make a little money, and do a little good. But its so small. So insignificant. I want to do something huge!
This is my only life! Why has that thought not just stopped us in our tracks?
Why aren't we livid that we are not living our lives to the fullest?
The Lord calls to me, he speaks softly, just waiting for me to pay attention.
He brings thoughts to my mind, and inspires me to do something big.
The other day God shouted. He reminded me. He lit that flame in me that holds the passion for his name, and for his people. I am not satisfied with my life and where it is and what i am doing with it as of now. And as Solomon has said, we will never be satisfied...But when we are serving the Lord. He mentioned how all the pety things in life will never make us feel full or truly happy except for when we are serving the Lord.
Well then, I dedicated nearly 5 years of my life to wanting to do mission work. This is what i want to do full time. And i swear ppl dont get it. Because as a christian we are only supposed to live our lives out while we are working, and just be that good example to the non believers around us. Well thats not enough for me.
I pray the Lord will continue to inspire me into doing what i am ready and willing to do.
I am reading, i am researching, and i am ready to do something...it'll be big.
I always knew the Lord had something awesome out there for me to do.
Even though im still searching, i feel im one step closer.
O Lord.
anyways, those are my thoughts.

bike

i used to love riding my bike...

i think i love riding a bike when it fits me.

this bike i have here in Belize is a little big for me.

my tires are flat.

the road is realy bumpy, and the sand gets hard to ride on.

its a long hard ride and it makes me so tired in the mornings.

the worst part is riding home. the best part is laying down once im home.

this was my moment to vent over my annoying red bike.

seems to me, life is pretty good.

other than it just rained, and now the mosquitos are going to be biting again.

anyways, never stop praying.

sleep

sleep.
i need it.
i wish there were like 36 hours in a day...

MOVE

move.
out of my room.
out of the only house i have known in 3 years.
my mansion full of crazy girls.
move.
back to SA.
move to a new beginning.
marriage.
move to a new chapter.
move. to belize.
move.
i need to dance.
move.
i need to relax.
move.
i need to breathe.
move.
im ready for this week to end.
...its sunday

live

truth be told

i want to live

and heres my plan:

i am going to
travel the world
write poetry
learn to paint
do photography again
find life in the art of this world
kayak
live by the ocean
walk on hot coals
belly dance
learn spanish
italian
and french
i will go to africa
i will ride an elephant
read every book on my book list
learn to knit
learn to fence
play the piano
play the guitar
play tennis (good)
befriend a homeless person
see an active volcano
eat amazing foods of the world
see the wonders of the world
pursue peace in every situation
and let love be the motive to my movements.

i will not make dreams for myself and never do them
i have one life to live, and i am going to enjoy the amazing things of this world until the day i die.

these are the goals i have set for myself less than a year ago.

no doubt in my mind, i will do them all.

people will wish they knew me 20 years from now.

live life now.

love

Love.
im in it.
:)

eggnog

baby its cold outside.
its not just about eggnog and cookies.
happy christmas.

violin

Let us not live by words or tongue, but with actions and truth.
This then is how we know we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.
For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
1 jn 3:18-20

of

story of my life.
God.
Coffee.
Creme.
Cappuccino.
Latte.
soy milk
non fat
breve.
then-
school
and
Jonathan Brady.

brother

This is my brother David.
He needs your prayers.
i love him.

what

im at a point in my life where i can say im perfectly content.
i have my school work which is pretty simple.
i have my job which is almost easy.
i have my boy friend that puts up with every little thing i say. i love him so much. i love people. but these days. i cant stand to be in a crowd of people bigger than 4...
i cant stand the fact the i have to be able to just sit there in that group breathe in, breathe out, and be expected to laugh. which all i feel is slight claustrophobia--emotionally.
so i separate myself. from everyone. all the time. im always at a coffee house. getting drunk off caffeine. and eating muffins.
im twitching right now thinking of how wonderful it would be to leave this room and read at a coffee house... i want to... but i think im getting addicted to coffee, and being alone.
the bible is NOT a text book. but if they want me to read it. i wouldnt tell the kids to read 1st and 2nd kings. thats just alot in a couple days...and hard for the ADD coffee addicted loner.
prayers welcomed.
and muffins.

more

i want to do alot of good things this year--
in the name of the Lord.
the school year is starting soon.
and now its Gods time to shine-- through me.
i aspire to do more than i have.
to find a church, and love it. and work there. to work with middle schoolers in south dallas, and watch them grow in the Lord.
i am excited about this year. because i know its going to be a good one. despite all the changes that we have gone through at DCC. the Lord is doing something good here. and i want to be here this year to see it happen. so i sit here and wait in excitement of what plans the Lord will unveil in all of our lives here. [i just hope i dont get warn down. and do too much] im going to take 15 hours, work. do south dallas stuff a couple days. SLT. and find a church where i can serve. theres not enough hours in the day. so much to do. so little time. But God will handle it. he always does.

you

feel

i dont feel good..
GRACE
im so glad for.
but i still feel like trash for the things ive done.
regrets...will follow me..
[please go away regrets. ]

some days are better than others.

God is attempting to teach this stubborn soul of mine.

teach my stubborn soul.

take me away from here.

take me home Lord.

take me to the place i Love.

take me to the people i Love.

here i live in TN...

i miss the way summertime used to feel.

i want to sit on the middle cushion with the lord...

i just want to feel. better. good. rest.

summer

starting summer.
not in Italy this time.
America. a culture shock in itself.
camp. culture shock.
going out of my comfort zone.
this will be interesting.
[i finished the whole Friends series.]
a song that rings true to my life.
"So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke,
you're broke,
your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year, but... I'll be there for you"
time to go out there and be a "big" girl for the summer.
when ya just don't wanna.
or just don't care.
or just don't wanna care.
im doing this for you God.
please be pleased with me.
bc i know you love the me now,
and your not waiting to love the future version of me.
so ill put my seat belt on, and be ready for the a long learning summer.

sooner

the heart beats
the breath enters
the breath exits
and again another day i live
it wasn't as painful as i thought it to be
low expectations, high results
"but what does the future have in store? -- i dont know. but im just going to let today be today-- im going to wake up in the morning, put a smile on my face...and not rack my brain..."
im working on.
finding peace sooner than we think.

run

no, im not down with one more week of school...
when all this should be over.
and
dont you hate when certain dramas in life should be over...
but they keep being re-lived...
im so tired of stupid people.
i pray this summer will be good.
and i will get to meet people with integrity.
who love the Lord. who i can encourage.
who can encourage me.
lets build eachother up.
stop bringing eachother down.
why do we intentionally hurt people.?
i know God is in control.
[which is great bc i have no idea what im doing]
but some days i just want to jump and run as far as i can.