13hours

If only life were so simple.

Feeling completely overwhelmed.

13 hours of free time a day.

Wasted.

Being depressed takes to much energy.

Its too narcissistic.

Not really planing on pursuing it.

I have too many dreams and ideas.

And yet, I have none at all.

I can't tell you what I'm talented at.

I can't tell you what country I have a passion for.

I can't tell you how I feel time is ticking.

I fear for the day that I meet God, and he has asked me what I have done.

And what my reply truly will be.

Moving day is coming.

Pressure.

Life.

Pressure.

Its like all the walls are closing in.

I don't want to waste time anymore.

13 hours ready to be accounted for, serving the Lord.

Need

It almost seems slightly therapeutic re-reading my old post. And Thinking about writing a new one.

So this is life as of now:
Our lease on our apt is ending soon.
I quit my job. (HA! and i am elated).
Even though the World cup is over, i cant stop watching soccer.
My husband is adorable.
We are ready to move, and start a new life.
Ready to do more than just exist.
Need to get motivated, need to get inspired.
Need to make my husband some tea.
:)

Life

I miss life.
I miss feeling so free-to do anything.
when did life get so complicated?
Im crushed.
I haven't updated this in over 2 years.
That must have been when my inspiration of lifes beauty vanished.
The Lord has really been opening my eyes to things lately.
I have to get out of Dallas, but where can i drag my husband with me?
My heart has been heavy for certain parts of the country lately.
I want to make mission work my full time career.
I want to start a non profit.
I want to be apart of something so much bigger than myself.
I want to be able to feed the hungry, clothe and shelter the homeless.
I want to be able to make a difference in a community.
I do not want to waste my life anymore.
I have said "i"7 times! But when has my life been about me!?!
That's the problem. This world has made life so convenient for us, that we get pissed off when things don't go our way.
I want to simplify my life, and go out into the world serving, and loving others like Jesus did.
Being a receptionist I can make a little money, and do a little good. But its so small. So insignificant. I want to do something huge!
This is my only life! Why has that thought not just stopped us in our tracks?
Why aren't we livid that we are not living our lives to the fullest?
The Lord calls to me, he speaks softly, just waiting for me to pay attention.
He brings thoughts to my mind, and inspires me to do something big.
The other day God shouted. He reminded me. He lit that flame in me that holds the passion for his name, and for his people. I am not satisfied with my life and where it is and what i am doing with it as of now. And as Solomon has said, we will never be satisfied...But when we are serving the Lord. He mentioned how all the pety things in life will never make us feel full or truly happy except for when we are serving the Lord.
Well then, I dedicated nearly 5 years of my life to wanting to do mission work. This is what i want to do full time. And i swear ppl dont get it. Because as a christian we are only supposed to live our lives out while we are working, and just be that good example to the non believers around us. Well thats not enough for me.
I pray the Lord will continue to inspire me into doing what i am ready and willing to do.
I am reading, i am researching, and i am ready to do something...it'll be big.
I always knew the Lord had something awesome out there for me to do.
Even though im still searching, i feel im one step closer.
O Lord.
anyways, those are my thoughts.

bike

i used to love riding my bike...

i think i love riding a bike when it fits me.

this bike i have here in Belize is a little big for me.

my tires are flat.

the road is realy bumpy, and the sand gets hard to ride on.

its a long hard ride and it makes me so tired in the mornings.

the worst part is riding home. the best part is laying down once im home.

this was my moment to vent over my annoying red bike.

seems to me, life is pretty good.

other than it just rained, and now the mosquitos are going to be biting again.

anyways, never stop praying.

sleep

sleep.
i need it.
i wish there were like 36 hours in a day...

MOVE

move.
out of my room.
out of the only house i have known in 3 years.
my mansion full of crazy girls.
move.
back to SA.
move to a new beginning.
marriage.
move to a new chapter.
move. to belize.
move.
i need to dance.
move.
i need to relax.
move.
i need to breathe.
move.
im ready for this week to end.
...its sunday

live

truth be told

i want to live

and heres my plan:

i am going to
travel the world
write poetry
learn to paint
do photography again
find life in the art of this world
kayak
live by the ocean
walk on hot coals
belly dance
learn spanish
italian
and french
i will go to africa
i will ride an elephant
read every book on my book list
learn to knit
learn to fence
play the piano
play the guitar
play tennis (good)
befriend a homeless person
see an active volcano
eat amazing foods of the world
see the wonders of the world
pursue peace in every situation
and let love be the motive to my movements.

i will not make dreams for myself and never do them
i have one life to live, and i am going to enjoy the amazing things of this world until the day i die.

these are the goals i have set for myself less than a year ago.

no doubt in my mind, i will do them all.

people will wish they knew me 20 years from now.

live life now.