feel

i dont feel good..
GRACE
im so glad for.
but i still feel like trash for the things ive done.
regrets...will follow me..
[please go away regrets. ]

some days are better than others.

God is attempting to teach this stubborn soul of mine.

teach my stubborn soul.

take me away from here.

take me home Lord.

take me to the place i Love.

take me to the people i Love.

here i live in TN...

i miss the way summertime used to feel.

i want to sit on the middle cushion with the lord...

i just want to feel. better. good. rest.

summer

starting summer.
not in Italy this time.
America. a culture shock in itself.
camp. culture shock.
going out of my comfort zone.
this will be interesting.
[i finished the whole Friends series.]
a song that rings true to my life.
"So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke,
you're broke,
your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year, but... I'll be there for you"
time to go out there and be a "big" girl for the summer.
when ya just don't wanna.
or just don't care.
or just don't wanna care.
im doing this for you God.
please be pleased with me.
bc i know you love the me now,
and your not waiting to love the future version of me.
so ill put my seat belt on, and be ready for the a long learning summer.

sooner

the heart beats
the breath enters
the breath exits
and again another day i live
it wasn't as painful as i thought it to be
low expectations, high results
"but what does the future have in store? -- i dont know. but im just going to let today be today-- im going to wake up in the morning, put a smile on my face...and not rack my brain..."
im working on.
finding peace sooner than we think.

run

no, im not down with one more week of school...
when all this should be over.
and
dont you hate when certain dramas in life should be over...
but they keep being re-lived...
im so tired of stupid people.
i pray this summer will be good.
and i will get to meet people with integrity.
who love the Lord. who i can encourage.
who can encourage me.
lets build eachother up.
stop bringing eachother down.
why do we intentionally hurt people.?
i know God is in control.
[which is great bc i have no idea what im doing]
but some days i just want to jump and run as far as i can.

swim

He lifted me out of the pit of despair.
out of the mud. and mire.
he set my feet on solid ground.
and steaded me as i walked along.
ps. 40:2

some days just feel so impossible.

kickball.

nothing will ever be the same.
everything is changing.
and more and more i notice the dying in this world.
the anger, frustration and sadness people share for one another.
i dont want to be bitter. im not.
she's still moving out her things.
she still hates me.
i just want all this to be better.
i want the best for everyone.
that we dont have to go through these days.
weeks.
months.
longest emotion ever.
when will our heart disease go away.?
lets focus on pleasing the Lord. rather than hurting your brother.
ya think?
time to breathe life people.
and stop being so selfish.
stop the hate.
this is getting ridiculous.
i miss when my biggest worry was getting picked last for kickball.
our worries, and problems are so petty.
lets check out anyone at any age in another country.
for some, their lives are scary. and tough.
but us we are free in so many ways.
except from hatred to each other.
im sickened by our lack of love.
i think were all in need of a vacation.
Lord teach us to love.

hope.

In our times of weakness, is when God's power is made perfect.
He is strong
im not.
specially this week.
i didn't expect it to be this bad.
[glad i bought a whole cheese cake Monday.]
i ran away today.
fear.
learned a lesson today: sometimes we don't have to say anything at all.
say nothing.
on the pursuit to feel ALIVE.
Lord breathe life into these dry bones.
[there is hope in a seemingly endless valley.]